Calculating Nick Foles Clout Points


Nick Foles has absolutely blown all of us away with the way he threw the ball up and down the field. Theres something to be said about a man who can carry his team on his back in times of pressure. We call that clout and having a enormously huge penis. Now that Philly has been flipped upside down, we can now fully concentrate on calculating Nick Foles's clout points.

Catching the Ball

Clout: 500pts

Unlike his arch nemesis, Tom Brady, Nick Foles can apparently catch a ball. He caught that ball right in the end zone scoring a touchdown, absolutely embarrassing the Patriots. Tom Brady was probably wondering if Nick Foles used some type of special glue. Clout glue perhaps? Yes, that is actually the correct answer.

Disney World Resort

Disney World

Clout: 300pts

“Im going to Disney World!” Nick Foles said cuffing his wife on live television. Most celebrities and athletes say this as a joke, but not Nick. The man actually showed up to Disney world riding atop a float in a parade in honor of the eagles win. You deserve a lot of clout points for that one. I want to be shit for one day, but my clout points are too low :((. Lucky Nick gets to party with Micky Mouse while Tom Brady sulks in his own broken dreams. 

Larry Busacca/Getty Images

Big Mans

Clout: 800pts

With the nickname “Big D*ck Nick” the patriots should have prepared for some pain in the process. The man is out there swangin’, making plays, and it did not seem like the patriots were fully committed to handling this huge package of ass whoppery. Its no problem, some are just more blessed than others. It should not deter you from your goals in life, but you should know that they’ve already brought a little more clout to the table.

Total Clout Points: 1,600pts


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